Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
