grandma shit on top of the toilet
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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