Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
