Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
