The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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