Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
