Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
