I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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