I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
