She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
