Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
