3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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