oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
