you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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