i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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