my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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