I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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