I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found puke in my bra..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
