You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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