I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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