Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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