I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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