You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
