my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
