maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
