Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
vagina is talking i cant
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
