we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
