I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
