She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize