I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
