She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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