I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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