Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
