Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
