i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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