OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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