Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
