I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
