even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
