I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she told me i tasted like america
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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