Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
