I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
