My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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