So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
