Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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