dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
