You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
