His pubic hair was longer than his dick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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