i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
