she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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