Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
