You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
