:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize