just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
