# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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