yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
