positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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