shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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