if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
