How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
