My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
